dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
