Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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