What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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