this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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