just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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