Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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