Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
