There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
