Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
