I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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