I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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