you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
