i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
