I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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