the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is that strawberry winking at me??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
