I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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