I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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