ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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