FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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