mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
