Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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