I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
