I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
