So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
