the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
