omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Its about making memories worth repressing
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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