You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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