she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
