He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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