She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
