were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
