i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
