oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
