I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
its not stalking. its research.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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