When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
