We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
