I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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