Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
