Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
