At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And then he peed in my hair
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