Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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