just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
