Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
