She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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