Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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