Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my shit smells like andre
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
