Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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