dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
