Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
