I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
