remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
